It is not difficult to explain your depressed state to people. I find it impossible. Even to my husband, who'd been there through every angry and desperate tear. I think it's a bit like Disneyland. If you've never been there - you won't be able to imagine the full scale of it. It's a feeling of total loss of control over your life. It's living in a permanent cloud of despair, guilt and anger (please tick as applicable). Sometimes you are not sure if you are going to make it till the end of the day. Sometimes you wonder what's going to happen to your baby if you are not there for her. Sometimes you realize that you have a healthy beautiful baby and a husband and a house and you feel overwhelmingly guilty for thinking all of the above when there are parents there with real problems, sick children, no home. And this guilt triggers a massive panic attack and you are scared that someone up there hears your thoughts and is going to take all you have away from you for being so ungrateful. And you cry. Again and again and again. There is no rhyme or reason to depression. It's just ....There.
My blog is about different things - fashion, tea, coping with depression. After all - we, the depressed can be a bit inconsistent at times. Please don't expect us to make sense.

Top post - it will get better

I'm writing this post when the baba is two years old. Which means that almost two years ago I'd been diagnosed with post natal depression. It's a tough beast to fight, but I'm getting there. Gone are the days when getting out of my PJs and changing into a pair of jeans seemed such an enormous task that I cried for two hours just thinking about it. Gone are the suicidal thoughts, crying in parks and a permanent feeling of despair. I still have bad days, but good days are way more frequent. I fought it, I got help, I got better.
But almost every week I hear about someone's friend/cousin/colleague who's suffering from post-natal depression. So I made a decision to start writing this blog to try and trace my PND journey from the onset to recovery. After all, if I could write about Topshop vs J Brand jeans at length, so can I about my life.